Let's Look At The Most Cursed App on My Phone

What do Portrait of a Lady on Fire, lesbian tomatoes, and "judicial extraction" have in common? They've all apparently made their way into my notes!

May 05, 2025

One thing about me is I’m gonna write about capital-g Grief! Another thing about me is that I love to have a hehe and a haha so, ahead of an intense mourning period for me1, I’ve decided to lean into the silly and share some with you.

Today we are looking at one of the most cursed apps on my phone and probably yours too: the Notes app. Below are 10 out of 1,000 randomly selected notes ranked amongst themselves from least to most cursed that I hope give you a deeper look into my brain from 2022 - 2025. Some of these thoughts have made their way into my writing and others, thankfully, have not. Enjoy!

“nails” - September 2024

Honestly, this is one of my favorite notes on my phone. It contains my favorite nail color combinations as well as my “safe” colors (long live OPI funny bunny!). Funny story, I actually started getting my nails done as part of my Artist Dates back in 2023 and I’ve kept at it since! Forget morning pages, get your nails done and contemplate life as you stare into the UV light. But really, it’s just a nice thing I do for myself and definitely the least cursed.

Portrait of a Lady on Fire - August 2022

One of my favorite fílms in existence is Portrait of a Lady on Fire because of the, you know, lesbians and yearning. I must’ve watched this movie upwards of ten times and this quote literally makes me dissolve. If someone said this to me, it would be joever! I remember wanting to write something that evoked this longing for someone who wasn’t there, and I feel like I have successfully done that in one of my stories (iykyk). Anyways, it’s a great quote and now I can’t stop thinking about it. Chest tattoo of it in Old English font, when?

Crying Log - last updated May 2025

I shared about trying to keep a crying log last year. It’s good when I actually update it; however, I don’t do it consistently. This year, it seems like I only cry when I watch movies or listen to the news or think about my uncle which makes sense. But, if I had updated it in March then it would be a few slots closer to cursed because I have definitely cried thinking about birds and also while drinking a really bad matcha.

“funny lines” - April 2025

Sometimes I think of something silly a character in one of my stories would say and immediately write it down. Thankfully, I remember the context of this one well as I’d witnessed some chaotic gay person on Lex and then when I saw their name I was like…okay that’s enough for today. Not because it was bad but because it’s always motherfuckers named after nature or an inanimate object that end up being the worst people you know.

Tomatoes, lesbianism, and gender - October 2024

Honestly, this is simply…true. It came from a convo at work in which someone said tomato soup is kinda gay. But, I actually think tomatoes are lesbian (sexuality and gender) because they kinda defy the labels of fruit and vegetables. They’re both/and. Plus, while some just view them as vegetables, they’re really in a league of their own. People might hate but that doesn’t stop tomatoes from being everywhere! A day without tomatoes is a day without sunshine, etc etc. Re-reading this made me realize I should write the essay on gender (woof) so stay tuned for that piece, I guess!

“Names for characters” - January 2025

This note is ranked up higher because until earlier this year it was mixed with my baby names list, which is an awful idea! Do NOT name your characters names you would name your hypothetical children especially if said characters are evil. Also, I guess the baby names list is equally cursed because I’ve had to add a few to the DO NOT NAME YOUR CHILD THIS section since apparently the worst people you know are named Socks (KIDDING! Socks was never on my list).

The Timothée Chalamet Dream - February 2023

I had a dream once in which Timothée Chalamet (or I guess, timothee chálame t) was explaining legal jargon to me. I don’t know why he was there as I feel nothing towards him. He comes to me as a long lost friend whom I once picked apples with in papa’s orchard. I also do not think what he was saying was factual. However, if you are a legal scholar, let me know in the comments. I do think about this often and wonder what he was trying to tell me.

“anti texting and driving slogans” - March 2022

Here’s the thing, there’s only ONE but the intent for more was there as is evident by the second dash! I also wrote this at 8:29am so like what prompted this? Was I in a car and annoyed at how awful people were driving? Did I see a slogan on an electronic billboard and decide I could do better? I do think anti-texting and driving slogans tend to be corny so I was really thinking outside the box here. Maybe I will write about a character that works in advertising at a DMV but hates driving and this will make its way into the story.

“encourage lesbianism” - April 2024

If this note just said that, it would not be on this list because I do believe we all have a moral responsibility to encourage lesbianism. However, its the letter counting that brings an ominous vibe I do not appreciate. Why is there counting? Why did I mark each letter? I don’t remember anything that had to do with this. What kind of makes this note slightly better is that I wrote it at 3pm so not at night or in the early morning. Speaking of…

3am note - April 2022

Now this? This is cursed. I don’t know what it means and I don’t know why I wrote it. I do actually remember waking up with my phone in my bed and the note just being there. I feared for my life. Maybe after the short story collection, I’ll write a horror or a climate sci-fi novel and this will be the premise. Until then…I try not to look at it and certainly do NOT read it out loud.

Having bared my heart (read: chaotic brain) to you, I’d love it if you told me in the comments about one of your cursed notes. Is it an unhinged breakup text? A vegan ouíd brownie induced thought? A list of celebrities you want to hate f*ck until they forget their own name? Tell me!!! And, as always, thank you for being part of my little online community (lol).

💌 Leslie

Femme Archivist

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